Bribery, “perform for me” & the chocolate lure

This one is harder to read, and we share it anyway — because it matters more than almost anything else here. Not every person your child meets is a safe person, and small, well-meaning everyday habits can quietly teach a child the wrong lesson about who to trust.

Stop asking children to perform for strangers

“Say bye-bye! Give a flying kiss! Show them how you dance!” It's worth pausing to ask: who is this really for — your child, or the moment? When we routinely ask a child to perform for people they don't know, the lesson they slowly absorb is: my job is to please strangers.

• Ask yourself honestly: am I teaching my child a skill for them, or showing off to the world?
• It is completely okay for your child to simply not wave, not perform, not hug.

Don't let others bribe your child

When someone offers your child a chocolate because they're crying, or says “come to me and I'll get you ice cream” because your child won't go to them — that is bribery, and it's worth interrupting, kindly but firmly.

And the reverse holds too: don't offer other people's children anything without asking their parents first.

Why this matters — really matters

When a child learns that a treat means it's safe to go to someone, a pattern has been built that can be exploited. Many of us have heard of real cases where a child was lured by a familiar person using exactly this — a simple chocolate. The person doesn't have to be a stranger; they can be someone your child sees every day.

What to do instead

• Intervene right there, in front of your child — let them see you protect their boundary.
• Teach them: “If someone offers you something and you're not comfortable, you can say no. You don't owe anyone anything.”
• Remind yourself: your child is more important than pleasing a stranger, a relative or a shopkeeper.

Protect your child. Protect their emotions. Protect their boundaries. Everyone else comes second.